Whether you are single, in a relationship, or married we have all thought it. Our daily lives are very busy, including work, family, and keeping up with our homes. We are also very aware of who we have become physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and that includes any shortcomings we perceive in those areas. You may think you are not thin enough, attractive enough, make enough money, or are not young enough compared to others. In some cases you may already have a family from a previous relationship, and wonder if there is enough of you, or a good enough you to take on or maintain another relationship. So after all the things we must do for day to day living, and who we have become, are you going to be enough to keep your mate, or if single attract a mate for a long term relationship?

Isn’t it just easier to be alone rather than deal with all that stress and worry? Many people settle back into the just me and my kids thing, or just me and God thing, or just bury themselves into their work. Yes even married people can fall into these traps, and that puts their relationship at real risk. The problem is not that you might think you will end up alone, or that you are alone. The real problem is you think you are not enough. Even without a mate, that belief will still ripple through your life and affect deeply who you are and everything you do. You can change how you feel about yourself, and if you are in a relationship you can also change the dynamics of that for the better.

When you think about your perceived shortcomings, they fall into 2 categories. Things you can change, and things you can’t. Any changes you want to make need to be for you, not just because someone else wants them. It is so you can be a more confident, whole person to live a fuller life. It just happens to make you more attractive to others. Examples of things you can change may be getting healthier (we do have to work within our individual body types so I avoided the word thin), dressing better, having a more positive attitude, being less controlling, or not craving attention (AKA being a drama queen). You may have to carve out time in your day to make the change a priority if it is really important to you. Behavioral changes don’t even require more time, just your awareness to admit the problem and commit to change. If you are in a relationship or even dating, change could include interacting differently. This falls in the work smarter, not harder camp of change. I suggest everyone should read “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman so they can be aware and learn the best way to interact with each other. Interacting in their love language can be the great equalizer in terms of their satisfaction in the relationship. I like to say that from the moment you start to work on something, you are changed. This will keep you going, and also avoid the trap of waiting for perfection before allowing yourself to feel good about the change.

Examples of things you can’t change are your age, you may be captive in a certain income range, or you may have family commitments to keep like children or caring for an aging parent. For things you can’t change, why worry about them? Remove those thoughts from between your ears. Worry in the Greek definition means a “divided mind” and it will only distract you from living a full life. If you take away the worry of things you cannot change, and do work on things you want to change, then you are at your best, for you. Yes there will be disappointments along the way. You may even get resistance from some on a positive change you are making. That is sometimes just part of the process. We all fall down. Get back up. Failures along the way show you are changing. And before, during, or after any changes if someone thinks you are not enough, they were not the one for you.