People usually have one of two reactions to camping: One group looks at camping with a mindset of fun and adventure, and often they have done it. The other group looks at it as inconvenient, something beneath them, and often these are people have not done it. Just like “fishing is not always about catching fish”, some people don’t realize that camping is really about adventure beyond your daily routine and sharing those experiences with friends and family. There is so much more to camping than just sleeping at a camp site.

Here are some things I learned from camping:

We all normally have much more than we need: Just the preparation for camping forces us to think of essentials we need to live. Basic shelter, food and a way to cook it, beverages, clothing, firewood, any games for entertainment, and books for reading usually are on the list. I have noticed after camping for 2-3 days you become adjusted with having just the basics for living.

Fun can be had with less technology: What makes camping unique is doing things you would not do at home. Read a book, play cards or a board game, or pass the time with playing corn hole or horse shoes. Spend some time together and chat around the fire, take a hike together, or enjoy some pool time if the campgrounds has one. And of course there are smores made with freshly roasted marshmellows from the fire.

Camping forces you to be humble: You will sweat. You will wear bug spray. Your clothes will be wrinkled and become dirty. Your bathroom is likely somewhere you have to go to outside camp. But here is the great thing: So will everyone else. It teaches you to live with your circumstances and limitations. Camping is a great equalizer and will focus you more on relationships, and less on being comfortable and material things.

Dealing with things you can’t control: If you wait for the ideal weather to go camping, you won’t ever do it. What are the odds of two days together that are dry, and are at a comfortable temperature, and are on a weekend (if you can’t go during the week)? I would not plan a camping trip if the forecast is totally all day rains, but you will be surprised what you can work around. Pick some time and plan for it, and keep it clear of other “drop in” activities. Also you will realize how sunrise and the birds will be your alarm clock in the morning.

It binds people together: Camping is all about relationships, whether it is some fun activity during camping, or working together to set up camp, or even doing nothing and sitting around the fire talking. There is something about doing all of this outdoors that is special. I just made a trip to visit my children in Tennessee, and in the past I would stay in a hotel, and we would do the standard go out to dinner activity. This time I chose to go camping, set up some tents in a nearby state park, and we would visit together and do things there. I was not disappointed as we cooked out, camped, hiked, and visited. It was a very special time that I will always remember.

We still have a few weeks before school starts back up. If you have camping gear and know a family that does not, why not host a camping weekend for them? Help them set up camp, and even camp with them if you have enough equipment. If it is a family that does not have the financial resources to camp, maybe you set them up with a pre-paid campsite, coolers stocked with food and drinks, and even have firewood supplied for them. Helping then with camp tear down at the end will also be appreciated. Giving them a memory with their family is priceless.

Are you safe? Not in a physical way, but are you in safe relationships? In your heart you can feel when things are not right, but you can find yourself involved with others that are not healthy for you. Being more aware of traits of safe versus unsafe people not only helps you choose more wisely, but may also make you aware of things you do that make you an unsafe person to others. I openly admit my “people picker” has been broken at times in the past, but knowing what to look for, and why I did it helps give me better perspective. I also admit I have unsafe traits and being more aware of them can lead me to change.

Here is an interesting exercise. Take a piece of paper, and number lines down the side from 1 to 20. Now label some columns across the top. The first column should be labelled “me”, and then across the page put the names of some people in your life that you have significant relationships with. It could be a significant other, family members, boss, co-workers, or friends. For each of the traits below, put in the column “Y” if you/they have that trait. You can be very honest since this is just an exercise just for your eyes. Do you/they :

1. Think you/they have it all together instead of admitting weaknesses?
2. Religious instead of spiritual?
3. Defensive instead of being open to feedback?
4. Self-righteous instead of humble?
5. Only apologize instead of changing behavior?
6. Avoid problems instead of dealing with them?
7. Demand trust instead of earning it?
8. Think they are perfect instead of admitting faults?
9. Blame others instead of taking responsibility?
10. Lie instead of telling the truth?
11. Stagnant instead of growing?
12. Avoid closeness instead of connecting?
13. Only concerned about the “I” instead of “we”?
14. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it?
15. Flatter others instead of confronting them? (yes this can be unsafe)
16. Condemn others instead of forgiving them?
17. Treat others in a parent/child way instead of being equals?
18. Unstable over time instead of being consistent?
19. More of a negative than a positive influence on others?
20. Gossip instead of keeping secrets?

This is a very high level, gut reaction thumbnail snapshot, but you have to admit it made you more aware. I confess in the “me” column I had some “yes” responses (more than I would like). Now you know a little more about traits of “unsafe” people.

So if that is unsafe, what is safe? Part of the answer is the opposite of the traits you see above of unsafe people. But beyond that, here are some additional “safe” traits. You/they:

1. Draw people closer to God
2. Draw people closer to other people
3. Help others become the real person God created us to be

Now what? Why did I pick unsafe people and how do I change that? Why do I have unsafe habits? What if I still have to live with unsafe relationships (spouse/boss/family)? All great questions, and there are answers. Some will depend on your personal background and situation and others are more general. Unfortunately this is more detail than can be passed along in a blog, but there is a place to get the information. This material is just part of information from a book called “Safe People” from Henry Cloud/John Townsend. There are also some places that offer a class with a curriculum around the book and solutions. I encourage people to read the book (fairly short and straight forward) or attend a class. It is also encouraged that you learn from their other book/program called “boundaries” prior to digging into safe people, because without healthy boundaries your relationships with both safe and un-safe people will not be managed very well. Beyond raising awareness, I hope this blog made you curious to find out more.

Time is up. Your time. “Not yet!” you scream. “I am not ready!” It could be a serious accident or sudden illness that took you by surprise. We spend years blocking out the thought of this moment, and lull ourselves into the false security that there is always more time. We fill our days with longer work days and busy schedules, secretly planning to live fully when things slow down. Talk to anyone who has had cancer or a sudden heart attack that are survivors, and those events made them shift their life priorities in an instant. When the moment does come, don’t you want to be able to say you lived a good and full life and are at peace with friends, family, and your God? A couple years ago when traveling on business, my plane lost an engine and was forced into an emergency landing. There was about a 20 minute flight back to the airport (with the plane awkwardly tilted to one side flying on the one remaining engine). In the silence on the plane, you could tell everyone on the flight was dealing with the reality of thoughts of a possible unexpected end to their lives. This was a moment of truth for me and how I would react. For me, I had been in a walk with my faith for several years and this moment would reveal where I was. I said the Lord’s prayer to myself, and said if this was the time He chose for me then I was ready. It was strangely peaceful. Yes I would miss all my worldly family and friends, but I had no regrets.

A few years ago, there was a popular song out by Tim McGraw called “live like you were dying”. It is worth a listen (you can hear it free on Youtube). It is about someone who had one of those life changing moments when they realized all we are guaranteed is this moment. Living in the present is how we all should live. Not in a reckless way, but in the right way. Make every single day count with the love you give, and your connection with the creator. At the end of each day, you should be able to say it was a good day and thank Him. Stop filling up your life with time wasters and focus on using your most precious resource: time. This may mean you have to put boundaries around time demands from work, or other things that eat up your time. Realize that you are in control of those demands. Manage it in a caring way, even when you have to decline doing that one more thing for someone.

So you live life more fully. More aware of your limited physical life. We all need the hope of what comes after. First realize you do leave a legacy behind. Your family and friends, and its future generations will continue, and how you touched their lives will affect them. So in one way, we live on through those we leave behind.

Everyone would agree you have a soul. Science to this day cannot explain it. I believe this is one of those mysteries that proves there are dimensions our human minds cannot understand. Maybe we were not meant to. A dimension where our souls go, that is timeless and eternal, gives us hope. If you do any research on people who have had near death experiences, their evidence seems to support something after physical life. There are too many common experiences to just be a coincidence. We live in a physical universe that can’t be explained in many ways, but we accept it because we see it. Hope is believing in that unexplained next dimension, even though we can’t see it. Faith is that hope. When you have faith, you can accept the limitations of physical life, and live with peace. It grounds you and guides you to live the right life. Faith is a very personal choice and journey that should be part of what you do to live in the present. Experience that peace.

Did I fail my children? Unfortunately my children are part of the over 50% that come from a divorced household. Words cannot express how much I love them, and they know I would do anything for them. I was raised in a household where mom and dad were always there, so I cannot imagine the turmoil and uncertainty my children went through. I wished things could have been different. We found our family fractured and had to make it work somehow. Over the years we have become a big blended family where love is the focus and not our past marriage brokenness. It did not happen overnight, and all the parents in the situation had to be supportive and learn to work together for the children. Once a positive tone was set, it kept improving over the years. I had to be the kind of parent I wanted them to be for their children, and I hope I have done that. Keith, Elizabeth, Cassandra, and Leah are all adults now, and I could not be prouder of who they have become. I even get the joy of seeing them as parents with my grandchildren Aden, Wesley, and Rand. Father’s Day for me is every day.

My situation is only one kind of family where the birth father was no longer in the household with his spouse and the children fulltime. I think it needs to be recognized that there are many others that step up to help raise children. I can honestly say that when my ex-wife remarried, she picked a good man. Over the past 25 years he has been there for my two oldest children as a good father figure in their household, and he truly earned them calling him “dad”. Having more than one father figure is not a bad thing, and I am comfortable thanking the man that helped raise my children. Some people have had adoptive parents, some were raised by grandparents, and unfortunately many had no active father figure in their lives so mom had double duty. In all these cases, people who stepped up to provide additional parenting were a blessing. Thank you to those who selflessly did this. They don’t get the recognition they deserve by a special day on the calendar.

I would be remiss if I did not close this blog about fathers without talking about my father Wesley. He and my mother had a very traditional marriage, and were together until death separated them. I may have seen them have a loud disagreement once. They were in that camp of “don’t fight in front of the children”, which I can say is a great idea. He loved the outdoors, and took us camping, boating, and fishing whenever the weather would permit it. He taught me how to do things myself like woodworking or working on a car. He loved to read and write, and even ran a bookstore at one point. He was an inventor of sorts, so you never know what gadget he was going to come up with. He was an entrepreneur, and ran a construction company with his brother for a period of time. His final years working were as a clerk in the post office, which provided income and stability for the family. He is probably the bloodline for what some of my kids call “the Freestone noggin”. In general he was a quiet man, but I remember some great quotes like “someday gas will be $4 per gallon like in Europe” or “the older you get, the faster it goes”. He also taught me about blended families when they were not the norm, as my brother Larry from his first marriage was raised in our household. And to all my children, he was Grandpa Freestone and he loved to spend time with them. We lost him when he passed away in 2010 in his mid-80s. We love and miss you Dad. Happy Father’s day.

I heard a knock at the door. I was working my corporate job from home today, and surprise visitors rarely happen. It had been an unusual work week following what was supposed to be a fun filled evening at the Indiana State Fair. I had invited my youngest daughter and some of her friends out to enjoy a concert, and of course the best junk food money can buy. It all ended that evening with the shock of us all witnessing the stage collapse at the Sugarland concert. Watching people die in an accident like that, and even having one of your children with you is trauma I cannot put into words. I am pretty strong in my faith, but had been struggling this week with how this accident and the resulting deaths were in God’s plan.

I heard a second knock at the door, and by now I was there and opened it. I saw my Aunt Bonnie standing there, who is spiritual rock of our greater family. I told her about what we had seen and my struggle, and she asked if she could pray with me. From that moment on I felt more peace. Yes Bonnie stopping by (and this is the only time she ever did this unannounced) was also in God’s plan too. Unfortunately we lost Bonnie a couple of years ago, but the impact she had on other’s lives was tremendous. She showed how her “Personal Ministry” approach to life toward helping others and giving hope could be an example for us all to live up to. I still remember a moment from her funeral where a woman got up and told her story of fighting some serious life challenges. She said how Bonnie had been persistent that she join her one Sunday for church. Eventually she gave in, and it was the start of positive life changes that changed her life for many years to come. I was truly blessed to have a role model in my life like Bonnie. I hope she is smiling as she sees this.

Many people think you cannot minister and help others without the proper amount of Bible study, or seminary schooling, or without a title like Pastor. Some would think “I am not good enough to help others”, but your life experiences help empower you with a deeper understanding of how people feel and how you can help. Over the past years, many times I have been helped by those who had the same brokenness at some point. Bonnie opened my eyes that each one of us are disciples to help others. As I started embracing my version of early retirement about a year ago, I was not shy in telling people part of the reason for the change was to have a greater human impact with my remaining time on earth. Life is filled with what seems like coincidences, but it is amazing how the pieces fit together. I found out that the day after my last day of work, a local 11 week Biblical counselor training course was starting, but a pastor would need to recommend me. He did and I attended. Something was moving me to write about both life experiences and how they fit with information and living principles classes I had over the years. I worked on material over the winter that that has evolved into this weekly blog for now, and will likely morph into a longer term way to share and help others. I returned to my home church in Brownsburg this spring, and coincidentally they asked that I help co-facilitate a 10 week course on healthy boundaries and I accepted without hesitation (and that opening was also a coincidence). I have learned to keep my eyes open for what is next for me, and to be patient and it seems to always be revealed. I am blessed in so many ways, and if any of my life experiences or things that I have learned along the way can help others, I am in. None of it is for me. It is to Glorify Him. Maybe something you can do will be that coincidence in someone else’s life, just at the exact right time, in the right moment of need. Be that knock at the door when they need it.

Many things contribute to connecting us romantically to our mate. Emotional intimacy which is falling in love in a Disney-like way. Princess in waiting, knight on a white horse, and after defeating some evil plot, marry and live happily ever after. Physical intimacy connects us by touch, and let’s just say may be in a non-Disney way. There are lots of books and movies made about those two kinds of intimacy, but there is a 3^rd powerful intimacy that needs more press: Spiritual intimacy. For those who have faith, there is nothing more powerful than worshipping sitting beside the one you love. When faith is part of who you are at the core, going to church together connects you at a soul level. It is more than just you and them. It is you and them and God. Think about that.

Statistics show that 25% of married woman have to worship without their husbands. I am strong in my faith, and I can tell you that when I was married, I went to church alone. In your heart, you wonder if they truly know how important your faith is to you, and how badly you want to be able to share it with them. Little do they know they are missing out on an entire deeper connection they could have with you. If you are married, you should not leave them because of a lack of their faith. Pray about it and it still could happen. Nothing is beyond the power of God.

So if you are unmarried, what if the one you are with does not share worship with you? You may have already developed an emotional bond to them. So here is one of those places I am going to talk the truth in love. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life going to church alone? Even worse is if they end up discouraging you from going over time. Faith is not one of those areas you should compromise in. It is pretty harsh to hear that I know, but you should make this choice before you get married. If it is a core part of who you are, it probably should have been part of your filtering criteria, but we are imperfect humans and date, and sometimes fall in love before we think. Yes there may be some pain short term, but finding the one who is truly right for you is an opportunity you do not want to miss. They are out there.

So now I am talking to the men out there specifically who are with a partner that has faith. Whether you are married or in a relationship, it is time to step up. If you are married, you married their spiritual being too and need to support that as part of showing how much you love them. You love your kids and probably take them to their sporting events out of love, so why not take your family to church and show love and support. If you are single, here is a little secret: The woman you want to have your back, raise your children, and be proud to introduce to your parents is likely in church. But your goal should not to go to church to meet her, but to know Him. Draw closer to God first. You will find connecting with other singles through church, whether just fellowship or eventually dating is a better experience. I can personally tell you I have been in love with someone before, including sharing worship with them, and there is nothing like it. You too can know what this true spiritual intimacy is like.

It seems we live most of our lives inside physical “boxes”. Our homes, our cars, and even our work places have us inside something. It is very easy to get into the habit to be in one of these all the time and become sedentary. There is something that seems un-natural about all of it. Yes everyone is busy running from one thing to another, and here in Indiana and much of the country, winters can be harsh and make us want to hibernate until it is over. But if you wait until you have time, or until the weather is just right to get outside, it will never happen. Years ago (more years than I want to admit), I started walking. It probably started for me as a way to lose weight, but over the years I have discovered there are many other benefits. It is one of the few things that costs no money, you can do anywhere, and it really is quality time for you to relax and reflect. I also noticed that about 20 minutes into a walk, stress just seems to “melt away”. I can’t explain why, but it works. And yes you will lose weight, since you are increasing your activity. It also can help you keep up with the children in your life, since they won’t understand why you get tired if you are out of shape.

One of the things I did not expect, was how it changes your perspective of the world. You see things you don’t see out of a window. You experience things and meet people you never would have met. Most of my neighbors seem to know my name, even though I may have never sat down with them. There is some sense of community that happens when people see each other, beyond you putting your car in the garage and closing the door never to be seen again. One of the things you will find out is how many things are within walking distance from where you are. At a modest 3 miles per hour walk, you can actually go a mile and a half in 30 minutes. You will start to actually walk to do some things instead of taking a car. Try walking for some errand, maybe a meal, or entertainment at the half way point. Last night I walked to a movie theatre that is nearby, then walked home after. The great thing about walking somewhere, is it forces you to walk back. Yes you will have to block some time for it, but it is well worth it. Just take some of that time you use for TV, going out to eat lunch (I used the trick of walking on my lunch hour and then eating a snack at my desk after), or what I call “food grazing” which is an unhealthy time filler. Pick a time that works for you and be creative.

One of the key things I found really enjoyable is you get a real appreciation of nature when you are outside. I truly don’t believe that we were meant to spend as much time indoors as we do. As you walk more, you will find yourself trying to find new places to walk (and you will develop some favorites). I am not a fan of walking a lot around car traffic, so I try to find public parks to walk. Most cities have developed walking trails, whether it is like the Monon Trail in Indy or Munger Park which is actually right behind my house in Lafayette. When traveling, you will enjoy walking more which makes that a better experience. I did notice in Europe, and even some larger cities, people seem to walk a lot more, and appear to be in better health. I have walked all of Rome Italy for instance and saw much more than if I had not. You will also find when you have a major physical activity, like helping someone move, a trip to somewhere where you are forced to walk (like Disney), or even healing from an illness, that your overall general condition is a plus. It is almost summer so the weather excuse is gone. Start with just one day and see what happens. You can even get a little sun while you are out. Enjoy.

Once again it is that graduation time of year, when young people are getting ready to move on to the next stage of life, whether it is college or into the work force. In some cases, it may be the first time you are away from your child, and maybe even in a different city or state. If you are a single parent, your adjustment may seem even bigger. I have 4 adult children and know how it feels, so I can tell you it will all be ok. Your role as a parent is about to change, but not in a bad way. They will still need your love and support, but in a different way than those years you spent raising them fulltime. You now will get a chance to see them start life’s adult journey, and they will need your guidance along the way. But make sure to not over manage them as they head out for more independence. This is their time to experience and grow. This is what you raised them for, and you should enjoy seeing your accomplishment. For those reading this that have younger children, enjoy every moment you have with them. I know I have great memories of my children being raised and things we did. You will be the same.

So what does lie ahead? Not for them, but for you? I am single and empty nest now, and I imagine just the thought of being like that must terrify some people. If you do have a spouse, it could mean more time for date nights, vacations, or even hobbies (remember those?). My 4 children live in 3 different states now, and some would be afraid of their children moving away. Thanks to travel and modern communications, you can stay connected. My vacations tend to be in the areas where they live, for some combined recreation and family time. Regardless of location, they know we will always be a family. If they ever need me, they know I will be there. I have 3 grandchildren and one of the great joys in life is seeing your children be parents. It is pretty amazing, even if my name had to become Grandpa Bruce.

For me, God is always at the center of my life, which means through all of life’s changes I have a stable basis for my life. It gives me peace to know regardless of what happens things will be ok. Yes there are hard times, and as your children leave as adults they will face many of the same challenges you did as a young adult. Listen first, understand, be supportive, and always believe in them. Just think of your role now changing from being an adult playing on a team raising them, to being a coach guiding and supporting them into stages of adulthood.

It hurts. Anger, loneliness, depression, and there may even be financial distress involved. Breakup of a marriage or serious long term relationship disrupts almost every aspect of your life. You just want that hurt to go away, as quickly as possible. I have been there. When my marriage of 20+ years came crashing down, it affected everything. It was very tempting to find another person right away to fill that gaping hole in my life, but 2 reasons drove me to wait. I was not ready emotionally, and I have children so I wanted to be absolutely sure before involving another person (which becomes one more roadblock to if there would be a change of heart to try to save my marriage).

So as much as I wanted the hurt to go away, I was patient and stayed separated for an extended period of time. I had heard about a Divorce recovery class at a local church for those going through breakups. I am normally a very strong person, but knew to deal with this I needed help. The hardest thing to do is admit you need help, followed by the harder task of going to a group like this for the first time. This class was a 13 week commitment one evening a week, with a structured agenda and have discussions with others going through the same thing. Yes it made me cringe in 2 ways. 13 weeks (ugh), and having discussions with others about what everyone was going through. Would they judge me? As it turns out, everyone is sworn that what is said in the room, stays in the room. And as far as judgement, it was facilitated by people who had went through it themselves who truly understood. And if you were wondering, no it was not an opportunity to date. In fact, talking with opposite sex people outside the class, from the class, was forbidden as it could sidetrack the healing process.

So why do this at all? Because to be healthy again as part of a relationship again, you first need to be healthy yourself. Becoming whole and healthy as a person first, actually enables you to make clearer decisions later. In fact being a healthy whole person will even attract healthier people to you, which is always a plus. So week by week I went. As they worked through each topic like anger, loneliness, depression, financial stress, etc. I saw people in this group go from being completely broken on the first night to being literally different people, with a different outlook by the end. The material was good, but there was a power in connecting with others during recovery that cannot be described. Other than the class, how long will it take to heal and be whole again? That depends on the person and the situation some, but studies have found that then length of time you were in the serious relationship does affect how long it takes to recover from it. So are you ready to really cringe? For each 4 years you were in the relationship, they say it may take up to a year of healing. I rolled my eyes, and there were even sighs in the room when this was discussed. The reality of a quick fix, or even a 13 week class fix was dashed. The class and group discussions just helped give you the understanding and framework of a process to get you healthy again.

Going through this process changed my life. I will confess I did not wait 5 years to date again (20 years/4 years recovery for each 5 years), but I did wait 3 years and it was the right thing to do. That 3 years enabled me to work through my healing and confess 5 years would have been even better. It has been 7 years now since my separation, and 5 years since my legal divorce. Several from that class eventually married, and some are still single. As tragic as a break up is, it is an opportunity to pause, and take the time to change you for the better before diving into another relationship right away.

Sometimes even though you have knowledge to do the right things, you still have to fight your nature to do those things. Healthy boundaries is one of those areas for me. Something in me wants me to be a people pleaser with others and not set my boundaries clearly, which just causes stress and problems later. At the same time I have not always chosen wisely when respecting others boundaries, which I am not proud of. And yes I have attended an 8 week course on healthy boundaries, and later I even helped facilitate that same class for others. Using healthy boundaries is a transition I started in my own life and continue to work on. It is a process and not just a quick fix, but it is worth the journey.

We all need healthy boundaries, both to set them clearly with others, and also to respect others boundaries they set for us. Having the awareness and knowledge of how to do it is just the first step. The hard part is using them, which in many cases is different than the behaviors you have had in place for years. This blog is not to replace an 8 week course based on Cloud and Townsend’s best-selling book, but just to raise awareness with others, so they (like me) can continue to take the right steps forward. I do encourage others to take the course or read some of their books.

What is a boundary? Some think it is just saying “no” to certain things. It is much more than that. Let’s look at some examples where a lack of boundaries causes problems: A family member is always late for every holiday, so everyone waits on them. Your boss at work assigns you more work than you can possibly get done, so you work lots of overtime to attempt it. Your children keep getting in trouble at school, without any real consequences for them. Your spouse keeps cheating on you, and you keep taking them back. Are you starting to get what lack of boundaries are and how they can put your life in turmoil? Lack of or improper boundaries can cause physical and emotional distress for you. Less stress would be to set and enforce those boundaries with consistent consequences for them, not you to bear. But boundaries are not just about keeping the bad things out, they should be “breathable” so that good things are also allowed in. It is a balancing act to say the least, and it takes practice and adjustment along the way to find the right balance. Starting fresh with good boundaries is one thing, but establishing boundaries with existing unhealthy ones in place is a tricky transition.

We are all personally responsible for our own actions and consequences. If you do not hold someone accountable for their actions, you keep them in an immature state because they do not grow. We cannot always change them, but we can create an opportunity for our own freedom by setting proper boundaries. At the same time, we must also respect other’s healthy boundaries. You will very likely get resistance from others when setting boundaries, but you need to understand the difference between hurt and harm. They may be hurt initially, but that is an emotional reaction to change in what they have known. A healthy boundary will not harm them, and it may actually unlock the door on you being able to more freely and genuinely enjoy one another (without the inner turmoil and resentment).

Making changes to healthier boundaries will be a challenge, but a very rewarding one. There may be some resentment. Work through it. You actually will be joining a group of healthier people, and you may even notice that healthier people are more attracted to you. You will likely have to take some “baby steps” to overcome pre-existing boundaries already in place with others, and also so you can adapt to this new strategy for taking control of your life. Yes you may have to fight some guilt, but be aware that is a sign you are making a healthy change and growing. You will notice as you mature in boundaries there will be less and less, or even no guilt as you establish them. And never ever forget to respect other’s boundaries. You get grace when you give grace. As you do this, you should gain a better sense of self and may even notice people coming to you for advice on using boundaries.

Boundary tip of the day: If you said yes, when they could have done it themselves, you should have said no. This is a form of using boundaries in your daily life to avoid taking on too much and being overwhelmed.